Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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