My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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