I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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