You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize