can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I party with great urgency now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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