Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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