i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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