she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize