And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize