Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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