I should be sponsored by Trojan
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize