he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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