I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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