He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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