Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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