Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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