I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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