Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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