i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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