I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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