So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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