ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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