Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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