I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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