omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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