If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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