Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You don't make any sense
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