I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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