There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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