I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize