well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize