My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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