pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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