You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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