I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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