I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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