I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize