ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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