a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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