3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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