so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize