areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize