I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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