if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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