I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize