Umm I'm too high to move.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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