I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize