unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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