i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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