a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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